Backward Facing, Careful Steps

The Indiana Conference of the United Methodist Church Clergy Session had ended and a childhood memory played across my mind.  Perhaps you recall the game often played at picnics, or at elementary school recess.  Children would race walking backwards toward a finish line ahead.

I remember some falls and trips and stumbles as I rushed in the opposite direction with backward steps.  We were facing where we had been, glancing over the shoulder to make certain we were moving forward, careful not to land on our behinds. Too often my movements proved to be sideways rather than toward my goal.

The Indiana UMC proceedings and language were familiar. Newly ordained clergy were asked to commit to moving forward toward perfection in love.  A good thing – Methodism’s understanding of sanctification – being perfected in love. 

There were a set of newly determined behavioral standards presented.  Thirty-six (36) pages of them!  In small print! Coming down to those gathered from some unidentified Mount Saini and without Moses presenting them, they seemed odd and half-baked. The point was made that these “guidelines” were not to be used to police one another, rather these were provided to be clear about “expected personal conduct.” 

Later some of us chuckled at this effort to “guide” this group with a document and suggested that 36-pages weren’t enough.  Perhaps a 200-page or 300-page document might get closer to capturing our human frailties and failings more fully. Or perhaps there is another way to proceed based more on the Biblical patterns of relationship, narrative, Gospel. This document carried no mention of repentance, restitution or forgiveness.  Precious little spoke to communal failings. There was no mention of a failure to visit in the neighborhoods, to offer communion to those in prison or hospital. There was no call to public witness against greed, racism or systemic abuses.

I looked across the sanctuary at St. Luke’s church that was filled with colleagues. Good and fine people they are. I realized that they, like me, were sometimes strong and wise, and often, also, we are “broken people.”  I thought of a song by the Cincinnati based folk music band Over-the-Rhine, “All My Favorite People are Broken.” This stanza came to mind:

All my friends are part saint and part sinner
We lean on each other, try to rise above
We are not afraid to admit we are all still beginners
We are all late bloomers when it comes to love

The assembled leaders up on the chancel for this gathering are well intentioned folks and, if honest, they are broken as well. They congratulated one another for service.  Okay – it was deserved.  Still, old-timers like me recall this was formerly the session when retirees had a couple of minutes to speak.  Their brief (and sometimes not so brief) reflections were worth 1,000 pages of behavioral standards. At this session a couple of dozen retiree’s names were read and placed on the screen.  No stories from their service were shared. Only seven new elders or deacons were welcomed. Shouldn’t there be some conversation about welcoming more persons into ministry for the future?

Nor was there mention of ways those currently in ministry were seeking to address the gun violence in neighborhoods nearby. There was no mention of the continuing tragedy of an opioid epidemic raging in rural communities, nor a word about the ways the state legislature is engaged in practices that favor the wealthy and disadvantage the poor in education, healthcare, or taxation.  There was nothing in the 36-page document calling for pastoral attention to these matters.

The few mentions of the recent decision by the General Conference of the United Methodist Church to remove harmful language excluding LGBTQI persons were offered in a defensive context like backward facing, careful steps!  Is it truly a welcoming of ALL in membership and ministry if made only in a backward facing defensive mode? The point was made that “traditionalists” are welcome. That is important, crucial, understandable.  Who might be left out in this affirmation? Are persons who are pushing the limits of our current understandings of church and ministry also welcome? What of those who want to do more than talk about justice? Those who challenge the status quo?

I understand the fear, the need to control. I know my temptations to “slow walk” a witness in times of controversy. Thank-you-gifts were shared among those up front who were completing a term of service.  Glad. Good people they; they have been faithful and careful in clergy evaluation and ordination. Still, it is strange this is called a “conference” and no conferring is done.  The agenda is top-down, pre-arranged, cautious, from some cookie-cutter paradigm designed for control. We left with no story told about ministry in our urban and rural settings. No new story to tell. Looking across the room I thought of the remarkable gifts shared by these pastoral leaders in their communities.  There was so much to celebrate since last assembled. One can hardly move quickly or effectively to offer a transforming message of the Gospel while walking backwards, in the hope of forward motion.