Robert Greenleaf

The Wilderness of Bullies and Victims

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The Wilderness of Bullies and Victims

Whether national politics or elementary school, we observe bullies and victims. It is not a new phenomenon.  Seventy years ago, at West Spring Street School in New Albany, Indiana – I saw it – and felt it – on the playground. This ancient human reality goes all the way back to Cain and Abel, Joseph and his brothers, King David and Uriah, Pharoah and the Israelites, or King Herod or his wife murdering John the Baptizer.  Bullies and victims are forged deeply into our emotional and moral foundations.

Literature is built on the anti-hero, victim, and hero motiff.  It is a delicious formula that fits well in literature, movies, and television series.  Still, this easy pattern is missing something critical and complex.  It is the place of responsibility. It is the paradox of the cross. As H. Richard Niebuhr noted in his classic “The Responsible Self” (1963) ethical behavior requires sorting through the ambiguity and distortions of real life.  Ethical behavior requires attention to a universal community and honest observation of the best intentions and failures brought by each and every actor.

A victim can often turn into the bully; the research is clear.  The story of the man bullied at work who comes home to kick the dog is a familiar one. Most adult abusers were abused as children. Limiting our frame to either bully or victim is a gestalt that has gained a wide purchase in our society. It is the core “stuff” of the MAGA movement. It plays out in the courtroom, city halls and, even in the church. Politicians market in meanness. Tough talk and threats are confused as “strong leadership.”  On the other side many can only see themselves as victim. So much of our social service efforts and congregational life assumes a primary task to rescue the victim from the bully – and, of course, we are to be cast as heroes rescuing the victim.

In the wake of the trial of United Methodist Bishop Minerva Carcaño there are persons on each side suggesting they have been victimized – and “the other” was a bully.  What’s missing? I would argue it is responsibility to the larger community. Was it a struggle over power, gender, culture, money?  Perhaps all of these, yes. How did we arrive at the point when good folks on each side are to be sorted into the “bully/victim” divide?  Perhaps one party was unwilling to seek a responsible remedy before going to trial. Perhaps both parties were unwilling.  But here we are… still living in the bully/victim wilderness.

There are many ways forward.  (Many will point to Matthew 18 counsel on how handle a dispute. It is a good place to begin.)  However, I will start by borrowing from Robert Greenleaf’s notion of Servant Leadership.  He writes of a servant leader’s responsibility in this way: “The best test, and difficult to administer, is: do those served grow as persons; do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?  And, what is the effect on the least privileged in society; will he or she benefit, or at least, will he or she not be further deprived?” (The Servant Leader, p. 7)

Might it be that while dollars, publicity, trust and energy were put into a drama of victimhood or bullying, the opportunity to act on the behalf of the least privileged among us has been lost?

Johnny (and Jill) One-Notes

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Johnny (and Jill) One-Notes

Bob Greenleaf shared the story of an elderly, reclusive couple living in a small village who seldom ventured from their home.  However, one day the elderly man set out alone on an adventure. He traveled to a nearby city and after some exploring he returned with a battered cello he had found on a trash heap. The damaged cello had but one string. The twisted bow stick had only a few remaining hairs.  That evening and for weeks following, he seated himself in a front room corner and sawed away on the one single open string. Over and over he played one scratchy, repeated note. Day after day he played — his playing droned on increasing his wife’s unhappiness. Finally, able to stand it no longer, she decided to travel herself to the city.

Upon her return, she confronted her husband. “See here,” she said, “I have gone to the city and found people playing instruments very much like yours. The instrument is called a ‘cello’ and should have four strings. What’s more, those who play them move their fingers all along the neck of the cello and play many notes on each string.”  “Even more,” she continued, “people often play these cellos along with many others instruments. The sound is beautiful and powerful when they all play together. I am told such a group is called a symphony.  Why do you sit here day after day playing that one raspy note?”

The old fella gave his spouse a cold look and responded, “I would expect that of you.  Those people you saw are still trying to find the one right note, I have found it!” 

Robert K. Greenleaf, was a mentor to scores of folks; I was privleged to visit with him several times. His writings on Servant Leadership were widely read and practiced. Even in this, Bob knew that there would be the tendancy to turn his ideas into a distortion — a limited understanding — a one-note perspective. Too often it would be focused on “fixing” and “doing” rather than on “listening to others” and “reframing life with wider understandings.” Bob would chuckle at those who used Servant Leadership as a formula and say, “Leadership is a little like playing the cello. If you can’t hear the music maybe you shouldn’t try.” Or, Bob once opined “if you can’t share your playing with others, in a call and response way, then you will likely miss the beauty of the whole.

As I listen to the singular issues expounded in much of today’s social and religious discourse, I think of Bob and the story of the man and his broken cello. One note, one idea, one conviction (or two or three) can capture and predominate. Such behavior is like playing with too few strings on an instrument or giving too little attention to seeing things whole, seeing life and our challenges more comprehensively.

Perhaps you have seen the video of Johnny Mathis who holds one note, loudly, for almost a minute-and-a-half. It is amazing. Mathis is singing Johnny One Note, a song from the Broadway Musical “Babes in Arms” from 1937. (The movie version of this show starred Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney.)

The Free Dictionary identifies the idiom “Johnny-One-Note” as “Someone who repeatedly expresses or maintains a strong opinion on a single or a few particular subjects.” The song Johnny-One-Note and the idiom display the reality that when one person holds one note long and loudly, it is difficult to hear anything else.

Robert K. Greenleaf

Bob Greenleaf died on September 29, 1990, at the age of 86. Some of the wisdom Bob shared seems even more relevant today. He called himself an “institution watcher.” His experiences within large institutions like AT&T and the Ford Foundation led to his insights, his consulting and writing. In answering the question how does one best lead in humane, constructive and effective ways? He wrote “The best test, and difficult to administer, is: do those served grow as persons; do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?  And, what is the effect on the least privileged in society;  will he benefit, or at least, will he not be further deprived?” (From The Servant Leader, p. 7)

Bob is buried in his hometown of Terre Haute, Indiana after spending much of his working life in corporate headquarters on the East Coast. His head stone captures his sense of humor, and the whimsy of life, with an epitaph he wrote for himself: “Potentially a good plumber, spoiled by a sophisticated education.“

One of his many insights that comes today was his statement that “Whether we get a better society in the future will be determined by how well older people nurture the spirit of younger people.”

Bob Greenleaf encouraged folks to “see things whole;” maybe this is why he liked telling the story of the man and his battered cello.

Fortnight – Day7: Curiosity

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Fortnight – Day7: Curiosity

On this the seventh day of the fortnight prior to the 2020 presidential election in the United States, I recall the story Bob Greenleaf* enjoyed telling.  The first time I heard it we were sitting on his sun porch at a retirement community in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania.  It was the mid-1980s.  I have discovered he shared this anecdote in several places.

“There was an elderly couple who seldom ventured from their isolated home.  Although comfortable in their reclusive world, one day the man took a day trip into the city.  He returned carrying an old and battered cello with but one string.  The bow had only a few hairs.  That evening the fellow seated himself in a corner and began to saw away on the single open string.  He played only one note and that rather badly.  This went on day after day until one day his wife could stand it no longer and set out for the city to learn more about this object that had captivated her husband.

That evening, upon return, she confronted him. ‘See here, I have gone to the city and found other people playing instruments like yours.  It is called a cello.  Cellos are meant to have four strings and a bow with many strands.  What’s more, cello players move their fingers around playing many notes on each string.  And further, cellos often are played with other instruments, sometimes in small ensembles and sometimes in large orchestras.  Why do you sit here day after day playing that one raspy note?’

He gave his wife a cold look and replied, ‘I would expect that of you, a woman.  Those people you saw are still trying to find the right note, I have found it!'” 

Note the importance of curiosity and imagination; even more, there is the value of “seeing things whole” or “holistically.” There is benefit in other perspectives.  One can have more insight if listening to persons who have heard more notes played; they might have even heard a string quartet or an entire orchestra.  In selecting the one to sit in the White House during the next administration, will the American people select someone who can listen to and learn from others?

Curiosity in leadership will also lead to a valuing of paradox.  Paradox is the rather astonishing and beneficial awareness that in life and in institutions, two things, that appear to be opposites, can both be true at the same time.  There can be sunshine and rain together — and often this leads to a rainbow.

Robert K. GreenleafI still see Bob’s smile as he spoke of the mistake of institutions caught up in one narrow perspective or focus. Whether a corporation, church, or charity, the need for curiosity and seeing things in a wide frame was needed.

In politics, he spoke of the mistake of Prohibition in the 1920s and 30s.  Temperance was collapsed into abstinence. A broader conversation was needed about the cultural and economic realities that existed among impoverished folks during Prohibition.  More awareness of the medical realities surrounding addiction was needed. The irony, of course, is that many leaders then in the Women’s Christian Temperance Union (WCTU) understood this wider vision.  As part of their piety, they held progressive (even radical) views on economics, war, education and gender equality.  Today, these pious women would be dismissed as Socialists.  Their larger set of concerns were lost then, in an effort to do the impossible — legislate against the consumption of alcohol.  

Greenleaf suggested that one day, perhaps in the distant future, the mistake of using single issue, pressure politics to prohibit abortion would become evident.  (That day has not yet arrived.)

It was two decades later, Benedictine sister Joan Chittister observed, “I do not believe that just because you are opposed to abortion, that that makes you pro-life. In fact, I think in many cases, your morality is deeply lacking if all you want is a child born but not a child fed, a child educated, a child housed. And why would I think that you don’t? Because you don’t want any tax money to go there. That’s not pro-life. That’s pro-birth. We need a much broader conversation on what the morality of pro-life is.” (Interview with Bill Moyers, 2004)

++++++++++++

“When
I die
I’m sure
I will have a
Big Funeral.

Curiosity
seekers…
coming to see
if I
am really
Dead
or just
trying to make
Trouble.”

— Mari Evans

+++++++++++++

*Bob is known as the founder of the Servant Leadership movement.  For decades was an executive with American Telephone and Telegraph, involved in leadership development and research.  It was in his later years that he wrote on servant leadership and worked as a consultant with the Ford Foundation and the Lilly Endowment. 

Double rainbow, Maui, January 2020

Fortnight – Day1: Leadership

Aside ~ ~ philipamerson ~ 3 Comments

Fortnight – Day1: Leadership

This fortnight, unlike any other of my lifetime, seems a good time to post thoughts on faith and human flourishing; a time to review gifts of hope, community, love, conviviality, and grace. This fortnight, as the cold wind of autumn arrives, a sharing of this folio of reflections seems apt. Why? This fortnight will culminate on November 3rd; if one counts the days, that’s fourteen. If one ponders epochs, however, this fortnight faces into a test for a nation’s soul. This fortnight culminates with a pivot point.

Samuel Johnson wrote “When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.“ This fortnight for me, then, is a time when the mind is wonderfully focused!

In the fortnight ahead, leadership is on the ballot in the United States. We will better know what Americans prefer in terms of a leader — not just the “who,” but the “how” of leading. What will be seen as leadership strength? What vision, language and actions are seen as most desirable?

Leadership or Connectorship?

All the focus on leadership development over the past two decades has left me bemused. One can only guess at the resources (dollars, graduate courses, research, coaching and consulting) that been given to teaching leadership. I do not doubt there is some benefit; still I am unconvinced the fruit harvested has been worth the expense.

Just as there are times when listening is more valuable than speaking, there are times when following is required in order to later lead. Jesus put it this way, “if you would be master, first be a servant.” On occasion I preached sermons suggesting follower-ship is every bit as important as leadership.

Years ago, in a visit with Robert Greenleaf, I asked if he thought leadership could be taught. He had been an executive with ATT and had written a popular book on Servant Leadership. He had consulted with a wide array of foundations, religious and civic institutions. Bob smiled at my question, paused and said he was “an institution watcher, simply a student of human behavior, noting what I see and not intending to change anybody or anything.” He went on, “Being a leader,” he suggested is “a little like playing violin. If you can’t hear the pitch you shouldn’t try to play.” [There will be more lessons from Bob Greenleaf later in these fortnight briefs].

I was at lunch with a couple of friends. One, the president of a fine academic institution; the other was John McKnight, proponent of asset based community development among communities around the globe.  The academic leader spoke in glowing terms of a new leadership development initiative at the school.  McKnight, the wise observer of institutions and advocacy efforts over the years, waited until lunch was ending to comment. With good humor and a kind smile he offered, “You know, you may want to consider giving attention to connector-ship more than leadership.”  Connecting people is likely to have a longer term pay off… and allow the new, the not yet foreseen, the leaders already present to join the effort.”

Connecting has been much in my thoughts as a critical element of community as we enter this fortnight; even more, CONNECTING is an essential in not only claiming a faith but living it. Faith as a verb, a way of life, is what is missing from so much of the religious lingo and posturing around leadership.

From the Gospel of Mark, 10:42-43 we read: Jesus got them together to settle things down. “You’ve observed how godless rulers throw their weight around,” he said, “and when people get a little power how quickly it goes to their heads. It’s not going to be that way with you. Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. [The Message].

As this fortnight continues, it is worth considering who seeks to serve and who seeks to be served? It is worth considering who seeks to connect and who seeks to divide? Even as the leaves fall from the trees this autumn revealing what has been hidden in the hills across the valley, may clarity come to our nation as to how to follow and how to lead.

Autumn Overdue

Edna St Vincent Millay’s poem “Autumn Overdue” is identified as a “Fortnight Poem“:

Autumn Overdue

Cold wind of autumn, blowing loud  
At dawn, a fortnight overdue, 
Jostling the doors, and tearing through 
My bedroom to rejoin the cloud, 
I know—for I can hear the hiss 
And scrape of leaves along the floor— 
How many boughs, lashed bare by this, 
Will rake the cluttered sky once more. 

Tardy, and somewhat south of east, 
The sun will rise at length, made known 
More by the meagre light increased 
Than by a disk in splendour shown; 
When, having but to turn my head, 
Through the stripped maple I shall see, 
Bleak and remembered, patched with red, 
The hill all summer hid from me.